When Hunger Cracks You Open

There must be more.

I was 15 and full of expectation when I came to know God, personally. Everything about Him felt new. I filled the pages of a yellow legal pad (turned-prayer-journal) with Scripture I’d never read before and made long lists of names of those around me whom I wanted to see impacted for God.

I dreamed about changing the world, with Him.

Jesus was what was missing in my life.

I said “yes” to Him and stepped on the fast track to an in-filling, to growth.

The cavern in me was gone and I worked hard to tell others about Him so that the hole in their life, too, could be filled.

But somewhere around 23 I felt that hole, again. I couldn’t identify it. Where was this coming from? I was doing all I knew to follow Him well. I rarely left the house in the morning without first reading my Bible and I was telling others about Him. Often. I was memorizing scripture and disciplining my life. I was running — hard.

But in the rare, quiet moments, something felt hollow inside again. I was coming up empty. Where was He and how could I access Him? How could I have known Him for nearly a decade, only to know “empty”, again?

That’s about when my external life began to reflect the echo of my insides. Ministry wasn’t the oiled machine it once was. I felt opposition where there had been ease. My marriage was strained when we were supposed to be carefree and in love. I was tired. We hadn’t even yet learned that my womb was as physically barren as my heart felt.

I sat at the kitchen table mid-day, searching for some kind of answer, when I read {continue reading over here on Proverbs 31 Ministries —>}


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